Sede Vacante

The light is on but no one is home.

95 days


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As of today, I’ve been away from home for 95 days.  It’s only special simply because before today  the longest I’ve been away from my beautiful islands is 94 days.  This was in Vietnam last year.

Vietnam will always have a special place in my memories of places I have been.  Nowhere on this planet, so far, have I gone through so much pain, anguish, and frustration.  Nowhere else have I ever felt truly alone and scared.  The biggest mistakes in my life–a very bold and yet in my mind, accurate statement–happened in Vietnam.

To tell you the truth, I’m not really into trauma.  But if there’s one place on Earth that I refuse to ever go back to, it would probably be Vietnam.

There’s nothing wrong with the country, really.  In fact, the country and its people are quite lovely and interesting.  No, I don’t blame the country for any of the strong feelings I have about it.  It’s an innocent bystander in the magnificent train wreck that became my life while I was there.  In truth, there were many beautiful memories there.  But somehow, they’ve all been tainted.  Even the good ones inevitably lead to reliving the ones that still make me wince to this day.

The good thing about memories though is that they’re not as unchangeable as we’d like to think.  What we learn and do today, or tomorrow can reach back and change the meaning of events.  Perhaps some day–hopefully not too long a wait–I’ll look back at Vietnam and Apartment Building 4A at Sky Garden Phu My Hung, and realize it was the place of my rebirth. I’ll remember the bed where, after a long time in slumber, I awoke to many terrible realizations.

But not yet.  For now, I’m just content to remember it as a fucking hellhole that sucked up the happy little delusion that was my life, and like an ill-tempered toilet gurgled and groaned until it finally spat me out.

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2 Comments»

  GM Tristan wrote @

Well, are you content with the Middle East now? What’s brewing there? May opening ba? hehe

  The Pope wrote @

Hi Papi! Yes, am based in the middle east now. Running Ragnarok of all things. Mwahahahaha… kamusta na?


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