Sede Vacante

The light is on but no one is home.

Archive for May, 2008

Dear Ronnie–


I just got your comment. I apologize. No, dropping off the face of the earth is no excuse. Alot of names are missing from that list, not the least of which is yours. No, I didn’t forget you. I just found it difficult to write down names that bring back feelings that are at best bittersweet and at worst frustrating and painful. But you’re right, you ARE and forever will be one of my best and closest friends.

Perhaps it’s because I burn bridges too quickly, and regret it far too slowly. And for that I’m so deeply sorry. Of all the people I could hurt this way, it would be the most unfair to you.

The fault is mine of course, not yours. I guess I am guilty of the same sin I am quick to accuse many of my friends–an unwillingness to accept change in other people. I guess I wouldn’t be quite me if I didn’t have the arrogance to think that I *truly* know the people I call friends.

Ultimately, what I’m saying is that I miss you, dear. I mean the Ronnie who spent an unholy amount of time with a fat insecure kid just trying too hard to not become who he thought his father was. I guess time and distance can be cruel. I still know you the way you were back then. And a small greedy part of me just wants you to stay exactly as you were back then.

I guess that means I’m also admitting that despite all this time, I’m still fat. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe…

There. Just when you laughed. That’s the Ronnie I know and miss. Where have you been, kiddo?

Once again, I’m so deeply sorry, love. There, perhaps this is slightly better. I know it’s not exactly the same thing… but it’s a start and a challenge. For both of us. 🙂

*TJ

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Music and Memories


There is a very primal thing about music. It’s like the perfume of an old lover; just one whiff brings back a flood of memories. There are songs that are strongly associated with many key events in my youth. To hear them again brings me back almost against my will to where I was back then. And as with many scenes from my past, I suspect they are more vivid now being colored by the lenses tinted with nostalgia and the strong conviction that things were truer and more romantic back then.

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