Sede Vacante

The light is on but no one is home.

Shhh… I’m trying to organize my thoughts.

The Barf Bag of Useless Knowledge

On the flight from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh, a hundred random musings intruded on my daydream of murdering the noisy brat in the next row. No, let me be precise. I didn’t want to kill him. I only wanted to hurt him. Squealing and shouting should be done for a reason; like a single-use airline spoon shoved into an ear.

When I’m anxious–a natural state to be in when one is considering murder–I scribble notes. Lines upon lines of random thoughts and ideas, lists upon lists. I don’t know where I picked that up. It’s just something that has soothed my mind and calmed my soul during times of duress. On this particular flight, I wrote no less than a hundred lines on the plane’s complimentary paper barf bag. My trusty notebook was in the overhead compartment but reaching up to get it would mean bringing me a few inches closer to the noisy little motherfucker in row 26. There’s only so much self-control you can expect a person to have.

This blog, I admit, is simply the result of trying to transcribe the thoughts haphazardly jotted down on a barf bag. I have resolved to keep this barf bag in the vain hope that perhaps I’ll turn this blog into an Internet phenomenon; after which I can make a killing with the bag on eBay. Fat chance, really, but hey, it kept me from killing the noisy little bastard.

So hush. I’m trying to transcribe the nonsense on my barf bag.


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